Here's how to land a referral (without being a weirdo)

Here's how to land a referral (without being a weirdo) 👇

Most people don't know how to approach asking for a referral.

They reach out and ask for a favor making the whole thing feel transactional.

That’s why they get ignored.

If you want someone to refer you, focus on building a real connection first.

Here’s how:

Step 1: Give First (And Make It About Them)

→ People are happy to help when they feel valued—not used. → Instead of immediately asking for something, start by showing real interest in their journey.

You could say something like: “Hey [Name], this might be a bit random, but I saw you work at [Company] and I’m exploring roles there! I figured you’d have better insights than Google. Would love to connect!"

✔ Recognizes their experience without being over the top

✔ Frames them as a trusted source of insight

Step 2: Follow Up When Connected. Ask Something Meaningful (That’s Easy to Answer)

→ Instead of jumping into “Can I get a referral?” start with something genuine and thoughtful. → Make it a question that’s easy for them to respond to.

Example Follow-Up: “Appreciate the connect! Quick question—what’s something about working at [Company] that most people don’t realize until they’re inside? Figured you’d have a great take.”

✔ Shows curiosity and respect for their experience

✔ Gives them a chance to share something valuable

✔ Builds rapport without asking for anything

This step alone sets you apart. Most people only reach out when they need something—you’re creating an actual conversation.

Step 3: Ask For a Call and Let the Referral Happen Naturally

"If you have a few minutes to chat, I’d love to buy you a virtual coffee. No pressure—would love to learn from your experience!"

→ People refer others when they feel connected—not when they’re pressured. → Toward the end, steer the conversation naturally:

“This has been so helpful! I’ve been exploring [specific role]—based on what you’ve seen, does my background make sense for it?”

✔ Not a favor—just an opinion

✔ Helps them visualize how you fit into the company

If they say YES, follow up with:

“That makes a ton of sense. If you were me, how would you get on [Company]’s radar for this role?”

✔ Now they’re thinking about how to get you noticed

✔ This often leads them to mention a hiring manager, referral process, or even offer to refer you

If they don’t mention a referral, then you can finally ask in a low-pressure way:

“This conversation has been amazing—would you feel comfortable referring me to anyone at the company who may be able to connect me to the hiring manager?"

Step 4: Keep the Relationship Alive

→ Even if they don’t refer you now, they might later.

✔ Send a quick thank you for their time

✔ If another opportunity pops up, it’s easy to reconnect

PS. Worried about breaking into high finance?

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